Monthly Archives: March 2017

You want to sit in Daddy’s lap? 

I updated:

  1. standings
  2. this
  3. And importantly this (use the drop down menu at top left to toggle between scenarios)

The following people can still get first:

Hall, Dequita (display as DQ COUNTRY)
Dunkin, Michael (2)
Hall, Dequita (display as DQ TEXAS)
Watt, Chris #1
Wheeler,John
Dequita, Chris Watt and Michael “Hungkin” Dunkin have been crushing it for a while.  John Wheeler could fly up to the top all the way from 36th place.  When I think of John Wheeler, moving long distances quickly is not the first thing I think of.

These people can do as well as 2nd place:

McNatt, Terry
Ryan, Jake (I think his daddy filled out his bracket)
Thomas, Trent
DANNY FOSCO

Christian Aguilar, currently in 83rd place, can get third.

These people can do as well as 4th:

McFadden, Tracey 1
Compton, Julie
Ryan, Beau  (I think his wife filled out his bracket)

And these can do as well as 6th:

Ryan, Hannah
Ryan, Sarah
Aguilar, Sandra
Holcomb, John
Friou, Elliot Patrick

That’s right, out of 6 entries in the Ryan family (including the dog), four of them can still win money. Winning.

And Dequita Hall not only wins money in most scenarios, in most of those, she has TWO brackets that win.  Nobody has been this much of a sure thing since Kate Keegan’s prom date.  Oh wait, that was inappropriate.  Nobody has been this much of a sure thing since Canonico played John Greene in poker.  No, I take that back…that was just mean.  Nobody has been this much of a sure thing since Daddy in a belly flop contest.  OK, I am going to stick with that one.

I love that Elliot is still hanging on, even if only by a thread.  He filled out his first bracket last year and won $885 (well, $860 after Daddy took back the entry fee I spotted him.)   He doesn’t understand how very unlikely it is to win in a given year, much less consecutive years.  Daddy hasn’t won money in this pool since 1999, so I understand very well how hard it is to win.

Some time mid-week, I will run the math on what each place pays out.  This will be the last post that is in the scope of the quote contest, so go ahead and submit your entries.  It’s pretty easy money…only Canonico, Beau and Kim ever submit an entry, so it’s a thin field.

 

 

Here are words that haven’t been said in 78 years: The Oregon Ducks are going to the Final Four to play for the National Championship

OUchers

Nicholson picked AZ  to win that ‘Zags / Xavier game.  So he was  rooting for the X-Men.  The Exes did not win.  Nor did Nicholson.  And so begins Nicholson’s slow slide down out of the money.

Five little ducks went out to play..

So 53 people picked Oregon.   Those 53 people are very happy.

Hannah Ryan went 2-0 today,   She’s a pretty girl and she knows her hoops.  But Hanna picked Duke, so she is on thin ice.

Dequita Hall has two picks in the money and one has UNC, the other Gonzaga.   She is very much alive.  Nicholson is in 2nd w Kentucky.  Get Lucky In ‘Tucky!!!

Michael “Endowed” Dunkin is up there too with UNC.  Then there is Chris “The HAMMER” Watt also with UNC to win it all.

Those are the people sitting pretty, them is. But to quote Dardis and Cooper’s grandad, “it don’t matter for no nothing no how.”

Jim Friou’s bracket got busted.  He got mad and started smoking again (not really, he’s so stubborn, that once he quit smoking, he’d never quit quitting.  He’s committed like that)

So did Melinda Friou’s bracket.  Busted.  Martin Buniva, the jerk that he is, sent her a SnapChat that said “FAIL”.  I don’t know why Martin is so mean to my mom.  I should probably beat him up but I am busy.  And he buys me beer.  That puts me on Martin’s side.

Scenario report is updated.

There are two teams in the final four, and Kenny Smith got both of them.  Brad Conrad has a man-crush on Kenny Smith.  I have a man-crush on John McGinnis.  He can still win 2nd.   Needham and Jeff and I are rooting for you, kid.

Mayson Plank’s best place finish is 337.  We have a winner (we have a loser!)  The King is dead; long live the king.  Mayson gets $20 for being dumber than any Keegan.  OMG, we had a Keegan pick Texas Southern to win it all yet Mayson managed to clinch last place.  That is losing in a big way.  But Mayson is $20 richer than you, so think about that.

SRSLY.  HTF did it work out that this whole time no Freeman did anything at all worth mentioning?  The have 183 entries and none, can I say it louder, NONE are anywhere close to the top of the standings and worth talking about.  Stupid Freemans.

Rowan Hock: Dead.  I love the kid but since I have never won my pool, it would have pissed me off if he had won twice.

There are very few people in this pool at whom I throw a compliment.  If memory serves me correctly both Mrs Frious have gotten them, also Ryan DeWitt (well, that one was well deserved).  I don’t miss the chance to thank Derek Munger every year.  I think I have said something nice about Glazer, but I am not sure if I did … and if so I am not sure why I would have.  Maybe I should take anything I said back…  I’d like to shout out to Kyle Liner for a sec.  He is going to be my boss some day so maybe it is best that I kiss up to him now.  Kyle Liner taught me that it is ok to order quesadillas and dip them in queso.  He woke me up in Prague because I had to make a presentation that morning.  When I forget to do things at work, he very politely reminds me what I need to do.  When I forget to mention my wife in a toast, he sends me a text message telling me to mention my wife in a toast.  Here is to Kyle Liner!  My Future Boss.  And all around nice guy.

This is random, but Cameron wants you all to eat here.

Jay Thames has a movie that I need to promote.   I think this will be good.

I also got some feedback on my take on hottest girl in the pool.  I think I got it right.  So pretty much we have:

  • Lauren Canonico
  • Jane Friou
  • Kristen Anderson
  • Jennifer Teichelman
  • Kate Keegan

So here is how we solve this.  Send your sexiest picture to Cameron Moates – and don’t hold back at all- and Cameron will, because he is an upstanding guy, objectively decide who is hottest.  Cameron, thank you for doing this for the team.

I did get some mail..here are some highlights.

——————————

Larry Cooper: That was mean.  What did I do to make you so mad?

Me:  You beat me in 3 card guts.

———————————-

Brad Leffler: I thought we were friends.

Me:   We were.

 —————————————–

Danny Fosco:  Can you mention me on your website?  My wife thinks I am a clown and I thought that maybe if you just talked about me, she would think I am cool.  And, then, you know, maybe things would work out.

Me:  Try buying her flowers.

——————————————

Jayson Baird:  I think I stepped in something.  It smells bad.  What should I do?

Me:  Change shoes.

—————————————

Chris Canonico:  I think John Greene no longer likes me.  Is it because I win more money than him when I play poker?

Me: It the $h!+ eating grin that bothers him.  Try acting humble.  If that doesn’t work, then just keep reminding him you are “Champ”  Maybe he will be impressed.


Friou out.

Oops

i had some errors in the reporting last night.  Specifically nobody that picked Florida got points.  Oops. It is all fixed now.   See Current Standings – Dequita Hall is crushing the pool like Kyle Liner crushing a bowl of quest.  Jim, Melinda and Elliot Friou are in the running.  The girls and I are out.

Bad Brad Leffler is apparently my friend.  I did not know that.

Also fixed the scenario report here.

#sorrynotsorry

 

 

 

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, Thank you for my Red-Hot Smoking Wife…

Florida beat Wisconsin.   WOW.  That was amazing.  I haven’t seen a college kid get that lucky since Russ Sartain was on Spring Break in Cozumel with a bunch of Austin West Lake HS girls.

The SEC is the bomb this tournament.  Sometimes people overplay the conference thing.  But it is pretty unbelievable how everyone doubted the SEC (me included) and loved on the ACC and one conference crushed it and one conferenece got crushed.  The ACC was as welcome in the tournament as Cameron Moates is at a bar in NYC.  The SEC is tearing it up like Mark Luthman would tear it up in a room full of my wife.  UT is performing like ME in a club full of my wife.

My wife does not have a top 6 bracket in the pool.  She is one of the top 6 hot chicks in the pool.    Probably top 2.  Kristen Anderson is fighting hard to beat her, but Jane is still winning.

I am supposed to be in Vegas right now.  I have about 50 (I know I exaggerate a lot, but really, like 50) fraternity brothers in Vegas right now.  Work, little league, work, life and work…I just couldn’t pull it off.   There are worse problems than having to hang with Elliot all weekend while the girls have Girl Scouts.  I have a lot of work to do but he and I will also have a lot of fun.  He loves looking at the standings and asking me about everybody, and we will do that. “Daddy, is Kate really that dumb?”  “Yes, son, she was born without a brain.”    “Daddy, why do you say that Shannon Young lives on the moon?”  “Son, it’s complicated but he moved there the day after he first heard Cult of Personality.”  “Daddy, why are Tad Delaney’s picks so bad?”  “Son, he has never won anything in his life, and I think the $150 he donated to the pool is just dead money.”

Back to Florida.  Wow wow wee wow.  Those guys.  I mean that was amazing.  Good for them.  John Wheeler is still remembering the day that Florida won him a huge pay day in this pool.  He bought himself 25 Whataburger taquitos and still had $2k change.

The Nicholsons (Barclay, Janice and Quentin) are on top with a solid bracket.  His buddy, Chris Watt is right behind him.

Check out this.  There are more people in play than you think,  Even Swingle can win.  I can not.  Jim, Melinda, Elliot and Elise Friou can still win money.  I am the only person who can not win the quote contest, but you can…

Email me after the Saturday action of the Final Four, before the championship.  For each post, tell me the source of the quote in the title of each post.  And tell me the relevance to the post.  You can win $40.  Beau Ryan is the most likely to win.  Kim Hock, because she knows me well, should be the favorite to win, but Beau is a lot smarter than she is.  A lot.

 

“A hammer, a Jew and a munchkin walk into a bar. The bartender, he says, …”

A bunch of d$%n attorneys   Barclay at the top, Chris Watt behind him and Sexy Wexy right behind him.  And all three cats were at the same firm back in the day.

Sad to see UCLA lose (sorry, Martin), but Kentucky was just draining balls all night long.  They looked good, them Wildcats did.

And she looked good too, that crazy cat, Chris Schhweigart did. She’s hot and she is in 5th place.

I am old and fat and I am in no place.

 

You got to be one stupid Mother F&$#@er to get fired on YOUR DAY OFF!

The Gamecocks of the SEC beat Baylor the Big XXII.  We will hide no facts on this one.  No cover up.  Brad Leffler cried like a baby.  Chris Collins held him while he cried.  Me?  No fewer Fs could have been given by me.  I was watching Trolls with the kids and had the game going on my phone.  All the while I was laughing at Brad Leffler’s misery.  Bad things happen to bad people.  I feel bad for Heath and for Collins.  They are Baylor grads that have a heart.  Leffler doesn’t just lack a heart. He lacks a soul.  But he has a fancy HP house and maybe that will bring him happiness.  His basketball team won’t.

Do you want to know who picked South Carolina to make the Elite Eight?  Here is a hint…the list is as long as the list of women that found Jeff Needham attractive in college.  It’s Zero.  Nobody.  Not a single person picked the Gamecocks to go the next round.  Not a single person ever went to the next round with Needham.

UNC beat Butler, which might seem uneventful.  But Row Row Hock had Butler.  Had Butler won, he would have had a HUGE lead, but instead he looks like Shannon Young curled up in a ball in the corner after losing to me in Techmo Bowl.  Take THAT, Shannon.

I am Shan-non

The Man with the Plan

So Bro

Don’t forget your first base plan

21 people picked Butler over UNC.  That includes Martin Buniva, who hates my mom. It also includes Omar Little.  Omar’s death was sad and unexpected.   But God just needed a his own drug dealer assassin and had to pluck him from earth to have him up there in heaven to assassinate all the drug dealers up there (I’m totally kidding, there obviously are no drug dealers in heaven since It is occupied exclusively by Baylor.)

Chris Watt is in first.  Dequita Hall has THREE brackets at the top of the charts.  Michael Keegan went 5-0 so far this round to make a move to the top.

Question for the California crowd.  I am going (with the Hickinator) to an Angels game and then to a Padres game.  (We take our sons to 2-3 ballparks each summer.)  If you are interested in giving us advice, we will take it.  Email me.

Friou not out yet…

A shrink at school says I’m one of God’s mistakes.

Oregon beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl.  Cameron Moates travelled to Pasadena to see it but couldn’t get tickets.  He left the stadium only to meet a guy that gave away tickets then ended up going for free.

Gonzaga won a nice one.  A very nice one.  That was a beautiful three.  Mark Luthman peed his pants when that happened.  Mainly because he is old and has bladder issues ….but also slightly maybe also just a little bit because he is a Bulldog fan who can’t believe that once again they are sooooooo close to it.  After all these years, wouldn’t it be nice to see Gonzaga in the Final Four…with a #1 seed?   It’s been NINETEEN years in the tournament, but still no Final Four.   For Mark Lutheran, Little Baby Jesus and all the party people in the house, here’s to Gonzaga winning on Saturday.  God Bless Gonzaga.

So not a lot of change.  Jim and Melinda Friou took a dive.  That reminds me of a funny story.  We were all at Los Tios once and I asked my dad why he is the only one to not order a margarita.  He explained that he’d prefer scotch and water because the last time he had a margarita, it was the worst decision of his life.  I asked him when that was and he said “oh, that’s easy…how old are you?”  My dad’s brand of humor is like mine.  I can tell you a million Jim Friou stories.   All are appropriate for all ages.   I think the next story is about him explaining to me how I get an Atari.  It should be required reading for all millennials.

I appreciate all the gifts.  The Chuys credits from Beau.   Flowers from Robert Dies.  The Final Four t-shirt from Anonymous (what is this?  4chan?)  The tips for beer from Canada and from Freemans.  This is not an all inclusive list.  Thank you all.

On the Hall of Fame list of gifts was the Naughty Dawgs dog tag from Beau, the dinner at Mark’s from Derek, the “welcome to the neighborhood” cooler from Anne and the 360 roses from Robert.

So then we get to the late games.   Kansas killed Purdue which killed me.   I picked the Boilermakers to win that game.  It was a nutty pick but if it had happened, which for a moment there looked possible, I would have looked as cool as Adam Hickey in his black socks at his fancy country club.  Instead, they fell apart in the last 10 minutes and lost by 30 and I look like Frank Gallagher passed out in a dumpster out the back of the Alibi Room after losing a $10,000 bet with a dude the size of Kyle Liner about being able to handle 2 taser shots.

Then came one of the most amazing games of the tournament, which I almost saw the end of except that I was asleep on the sofa in my work clothes and a half empty beer in my right hand.  Xavier beat Arizona in a shocker.  That officially killed my Bracket.  Xavier was picked by 9 people including Richie “Tricky Dicky” Auter.  But most importantly, Rowan “Row Row” Hock picked Xavier…..and it landed him in first place.  That’s right, Row Row went 4-0 yesterday and moved up to tie Chris The Hammer Watt.  Both of these guys have won this before…Chris in the late 90s and Row Row when he was 1 yr old.   So if one of the repeats as winner, they can join the elite company of Brad Conrad and Adam Weller (who dropped out a few years ago…)  Maybe I will have to rename it since Erich Bradley Conrad hasn’t had a bracket crack the top 100 in a while.

I am really looking forward to tonight’s games.  Having UNC, UCLA and Kentucky in the same regional is about as cool as it gets.

IT tangents:

  1. Boyd, can you make the comments section work?  I “approve” comments but they never appear here
  2. Yes I am aware that this url is blocked by some work firewalls including my place of work.  It won’t be solved any time soon, so just use your iPhone to access.  Or your home computer.

Friou out

So you’re saying I have a chance…

UCLA managed to win.  Remember the old days when CBS would wrap up the Sunday action before Sixty Minutes?  Daddy can’t stay up as late as he used to.

I’m in 17th place but I have Louisville and Duke in the Final Four.  I might was well have UT.  Jim Friou is in 7th, but he has Nova to win it all.  No va.

Chris Watt is absolutely Pitsnoggling all of us.  But there are plenty of people that could take his place if UNC falters.  Two of the bottom four are Keegans.  Here is a true Keegan story:

The Missouri State Police had gotten wind that illegal cock fights were becoming big in the rural areas around Sty Louis. They decided to send in Kate Keegan, their best undercover detective. Kate spent several weeks doing surveillance and came back to headquarters to report the results of her investigation.  Kate says, “Der is tree main group in dis cock fightin’ bisness.” “Who are dey?”, her Sergeant asked. Kate replies, “De Aggies, De Cajuns, an de Mafia.” “How you know?”, asked the sargeant? “Well,” says Kate, “I done seen da cock fight, Cher. I knowed da Aggies was involve when a duck was entered in de cock fight.” “What about the others?” questioned the Sergeant. “Well, I knowed da Cajuns was involve when sumbody bet on da duck. You know dem Cajuns, dey drink too much an say ‘Aw, what da hell?’, an dey’ll do anyting dats kinda crazy.” “Kate…,” axed the Sergeant, “How you know da Mafia’s involve too?” Kate says, “Dat’s de easyiest part. De damn duck won.

OK, here is what you all have been waiting for.  I got up the scenario report up.  A few notes on how to read it:

  • There are 32,768 (that is 2 to the power of 15) ways this tournament can play out. We call each one a “scenario”.
  • Find your name. The most important column is the one that titled “Best Place Finish”. If this is between 1 to 6 (inclusive), you can still place in the pool and win money.
  • A “t” means that you would tie for that spot and then the tiebreakers apply.
  • The last column (“Root For”) tells you what you need to happen to achieve your Best Place Finish. The first team is who you want to win it all. The first two teams are the ones you want in the finals. The first four teams are who you want in the Final Four. All eight teams are the ones you want to win their next game.
  • If you can win under more than one scenario, it lists just one such scenario and then says “+__ others”. So if it says “+82 others” then you have 83 chances at winning.
  • Not all scenarios are equally likely of course, so if you win under 83 scenarios, your odds are not equal to 83 divided by 32,768. If you have a quality basketball program like UNC then you are much better off than needing, say, South Carolina to win.
  • The number of scenarios is the number that gets you to your best place finish. If your best place finish is 1 and you have 83 scenarios, that is 83 scenarios that get you to 1st place. There could be other scenarios that get you to 2nd, 3rd, etc in which case you still win money.

And a reminder on the payouts:

  • First place – 40% of the pot
  • Second place – 25% of the pot
  • Third place – 15% of the pot
  • Fourth place – 10% of the pot
  • Fifth place – 6% of the pot
  • Sixth place – 4% of the pot
  • Last place – $25
  • Winner of quotation contest – $40
  • There is a $19 deduction for software costs and a couple entries will be DQd if, for instance, their check bounces

I haven’t heard from anyone that there are duplicate entries, so I am expecting the prize pool to be unchanged.

Some observations:

  • there are 102 brackets that can do as well as first place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Scott Anderson, currently in 289th place.  Scott is on the short list of people that picked Gonzaga, so he will be rooting for the Zags.

  • An additional 48 brackets can do as well as second place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Travis Teichleman, currently in 230th place.  Also working in Travis’s favor is the fact that he has a hot wife.

  • An additional 22 brackets can do as well as third place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Sean Keegan, currently in 319th place.   Not working in Sean’s favor his brain.  He actually has a metal plate in his head and every time he walks past a microwave he’d pee in his pants and forget who hfe was for a half hour or so.

  • An additional 19 brackets can do as well as fourth place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Caiden Marlowe, currently in 289th place.  Not working in Caiden’s favor is his dad’s liver is on its last leg.

  • An additional 12 brackets can do as well as fifth place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Linda Oletti, currently in 289th place.   Not working her favor is history: we have very, very few people that have cashed in the pool multiple times.

  • An additional 16 brackets can do as well as sixth place.  The lowest current ranking bracket that can is Noah Freeman, currently in 327th place.   No working in Noah’s favor is the very few Freeman cashes despite their many entries (I do not count the in-law Derek Munger as a Freeman).

  • That’s 219 people which leaves 118 of the 337 brackets entered hoping only for last place ($25) or quote contest ($40).

  • Melinda, Jim and Craig Friou can still get first.   Elliot can do as well as 3rd, Elise – 4th and Jane – 7th.  No soup for you, Jane!

Her name is Kiiiiiiiimmmmmmm HOCKKKKK!

I updated standings for Duke / Cocks game.  that game killed me.  I had the Dukies in the finals. I think South Carolina shot almost 60 points the second half.  Cheese and rice.   And Kim Hock is dead bc she picks Duke to win it all every year.  And Champ Canonico is dead bc he loves his alma mater.  That just sucked.

Chris Watt is not just in first place, he is looking very good.  His bracket lacks future picks that have been eliminated.  Maybe we just go ahead and give him the money and all pack up and go home.

I won’t stay up late to do a post UCLA game write up, so just know that:

  •  Martin Buniva, UCLA grad, is about 262 spots below my mom, who is 70-something
  • I will update the standings in the morning
  • I won’t get an update here until tomorrow night but when I do, I will have the very famous “Scenario Report” and you will see if you IS or if you ISNT.  I’ve been doing this for a while and I can tell you that considerably more people can still win money than there are people that think they can win money.
  • My wife, who picked up on the fact that I had too many things pulling on my time, gave me the gift of time today and just let me do as I needed/wanted.  A clean garage, an assembled grill, a successful trip to Home Depot, a lot of listening to Ch 284 in the car and watching basketball on the CBS March Madness app, and it was a good day.  I married well.

But for realz, You need to see the report tomorrow night.  You probably still have a chance.

Stupid Duke.

Friou out.

I’m kinda a big deal around here…

Kansas beat the Izzos.  OMG.  Had Sparty and the Fighting Izzos won, I would have had an insurmountable lead on all of you.  I would have stood on the top of Strawberry Hill and declared my victory and you as my loyal subjects.  I would have been the most interesting man in the world.  But now I am Kevin from The Office.

UNC won, but only 3 people picked Arkansas. So no big deal.  Well, one of those 3 was a Keegan (Michael) so we only had 2 people with a brain pick Arkansas.

Oregon beat Rhode Island.  It was weird having Oregon in that game but I found myself rooting for Rhode Island just because everybody loves the underdog.  FEVER!  ND!   That 3 pt shot with 38 seconds to go was sick.   He was like 500 miles away from the 3 pt line.

Chris Watt, previous champion, is in first.   Chris runs a football pool that quite literally involves no updates at all the entire year.  I run a pool that, well, you know.

John McGinnis is in 2nd.  That kid has a special place in my heart.  And in Needham’s.  I hope he wins it all.

Dequita Hall has brackets in 2nd and 8th and 8th place.  You go girl.

Jim, Melinda and Craig Friou are all on the first page.  As long as I don’t have to “page down” to find myself, I am happy.  Melinda (“Nana”) baked some lasagna that was sooo yummy for my birthday.  Why did she learn to cook well AFTER I was grown and out of the house?  It’s just cruel.  But we had the leftovers tonight and they were yum yums.

Jim Friou is a bit like Boyd in that he helps with the pool behind the scenes.  He helps me count the money.  He wears a green plastic visor and some oversized glasses and punches the ten key like a mad man.  But he’s my mad man.

How is it mathematically possible that the Freemans enter 256 entries and not a single one is on page one?  Hey Freemans…us Frious got 3 on Page One!!!