Monthly Archives: March 2016

I’m even droppin dimes on my teddy bear…

Wait. wut?

Number 1 seeds had a bad weekend.  UNC was the only one to get through.  They seem to be the big favorite, and if they win, Smelliot Friou could win some money.  In fact, as long as OU (who sucks) loses, then he wins money.

Bonita Juanita Friou is out of the running for the money.  But she still has you beat for prettiest smile in the pool.

And McConn hated watching his Irish lose.   The Irish haven’t had much good go their way since 1801.  Nor has Needham.  Last time Needham had a girl kiss him as the same day that A&M was relevant in this world.  It was a long time ago.

Scenario report is updated.  That report is authoritative.  I think this below is an accurate summary, but I did it very quickly (It’s Sunday night and I am tired) so if I missed somebody let me know.

finalfourpeople

This is the best way to see what happens dependin’ on what.  Just use the drop down on the top left.

Kim Hock says she is a lock to win the quotation contest.  She knows me too well and has an advantage because of that.  We’ve been friends since Askew Elementary.   Beau does well because he is just a very smart guy.  The smart money is on Kyle Liner, who knows me well AND is quite smart himself.   In fact, according to our wives, Kyle and I are the same person in two different bodies.  I’d like to see Jane and Meredith in two different bodies.  I don’t know what that means.

O, and the money.  It’s like this

can I get a WUT WUT???

can I get a WUT WUT???

Cameron Moates goes on and on and on about grilling on his Big Green Egg.  Cameron took a nap and his egg got eggnapped.  Booyakasha!

not sure how to grill on that

not sure how to grill on that

#hashtag

I am into champagne

Syracuse beat Virginia, which affected the standings not at all because nobody picked Syracuse to win that game.  I tried to explain to Elliot the concept of “opportunity cost”.  Point was lost.

A wise woman once told me there is no “u” in awesome, but there is a “me” in awesome.  See me?  Right there at the end.

Elliot, Reese and Colson (the Good, the Bad and the Ugly) are all rooting for UNC.  So am I.   If Elliot wins this pool, umma buy a yacht with a flag that says “chillin the most”.   Then rock that ….boat(?) up and down the coast.

Come out Virginia, don’t let ’em wait. You Catholic girls start much to late…

Sooner or later it comes down to fate.  Elliot might as well be the one.

You know that only the goods are for Shannon Young.

Five of the top six in the pool have picked a team to win it all that has already been eliminated.  Right behind them are:

  • the most gorgeous 8-yr old ever, Reese Liner
  • the kid whose hair is the same color as the mailman from when we lived in Dallas, Elliot Friou and
  • Colson, the coolest middle schooler in America.

Yes, we are getting whooped by a bunch of kids.

In the Current Standings report, there is a “point gauge” which shows the points earned and the potential points to be earned.   When looking at that, Elliot has a lot of potential.  But nothing may come of it.

Speaking of potential from which nothing came, Lucas Archer and his daddy, Scott, are last pagers on the standings.  Scott was a freshman at UT with all the potential in the world and has basically wasted his life.   Last I heard, he was panhandling on the Riverwalk in San Antonio.

RUN DMC (Shannon Young) was dead on Friday.  He came back to life today.   He has UNC to win it all and desperately needs them to win today.  Go Heels!

 

 

 

If you like making love at midnight…

Jim McManus (seriously, it is THE Jim McManus) is still crushing the pool even though he still has MSU to win it all.  It’s so messed up.   Behind him is Mary Kemp who has the Fightin Texas Aggie Assclowns to win it all.   So the first person in the standings that has a team to win it all that is not eliminated is Ryan “Dimwit” DeWitt, tied with Greg  “likes the peg” Bratten.  Greg promised me half his profits so I am rooting for him.  Ryan promised me nothing and can burn in hell.

Some ho hum games, but Cuse gave us a some excitement.  Baird is very proud of his alma mater.  Mark Luthman is sad for his Bulldogs.   Well Mark, this is a good time for you to learn something I tell Elliot every night before he goes to bed:  “Son, life is just a long string of disappointments.  Just when you think you can handle all the terrible things that life throws at you, you just get hit in the gut with something worse.  It just keeps getting worse.  Set your bar low.”

It’s true.

I updated that there scenario report thingie.  It’s pretty interesting.   Check it out to find out if you have a chance.  Melinda Friou (who is crushing Martin Buniva because he sucks) is doing well and could still get second place.  Thank Little Baby Jesus for my smoking hot wife who can still get first (Go Ducks!) as can our walking talking March Madness encyclopedia, Elliot (Go Heels!!).  Don’t tell Jane, but I am rooting for the boy.

A ton of people can still win money.  Young and strikingly handsome Andy Green can.  Colson “the Dude” Hock still can.   Reese “believe it or not but I am prettier than mommy” can.  And these are just kids.  And they picked better than you did!

Rob Anderson is still in the money.Rob is the one who taught me that Jayson Baird should be my personal punching bag.  When we were in elementary school, Rob would just terrorize Jayson and I would watch.  I took notes.  Now I bully him as an adult.  Rodney Martin and “Kid Rock” can win money.  They broke several laws on 16 mile beach on Spring Break in 1990.

I deleted a few more duplicates, including: Freeman, Lovey St Ives and Saul Goodman.  So we have 358 now.  That’s still a lotta cheese.

Gonna make a plug.  If you want to pay $40 and eat BBQ and drink beer and play in a charity poker tournament on Saturday night in Houston, let me know.  It’s fun.

Another plug.  A bunch of us are going to try to beat all odds and cash at the World Series of Poker again.  Last year, 4 of 5 of us did.  Join me, Wexler, Liner, Beau and others not in the pool if you want.  Luthman, I am looking at you.  Join us.  It’s like taking candy from a baby.

Speaking of taking candy from a baby, I once bet Adam Hickey $5 that Cameron couldn’t  go two minutes without using the phrase “White Settlement” and I won it 4 seconds later.  That’s true and if it sounded racist it isn’t.  Cameron can explain to you why.  At his fancy country club over a cognac.  And a cigar.  And with a lot of discussion about his Big Green Egg.

I think Donald Trump said it best when he said that this world is full of winners and losers.  And the winners get to talk when the losers need to shut up.  So I should shut up.  But that isn’t really my style.  Me talky.

This is the easiest year every for the quote contest, which everyone understands except Linda Oletti.  She thinks that sending me suggestions for quotes is the game.  No.  Just take the quote at the title of each post and guess the source (movie, song, whatever) and then also guess at how it’s relevant to the post (up to two) and if you are more right than the next guy, you win.  It is won every year by Beau Ryan or Kim Hock (“Kid Rock”).  Canonico gets second place every year.  But importantly, he beats John Greene every year.  You get $40.  Mark Luthman would get $40 and I will buy him a beer at the WSOP if he comes.

Speaking of if he comes, Anthony Potter is sitting at 28th, but he has OU and can make some noise.  I generally dislike Aggies.  I absolutely hate Sooners.  So, Anthony, I am not rooting for you.  And although Canada is technically not one of the united states of america, let’s face it…it is.   And so as an American, you understand that we love, in order: God, country, family, guns, more God and family, more guns, and beer and beer drinking with basketball.  So we like you, but we hate OU and we want you to lose.

Hey Martin, do you still live in Philly?  Hickey and I are going there with our boys for a Phillies game in July.  Would love for you to join us or at least give us advice on what to do when in town.  We then drive to DC for a Nationals game.  Just working hard on the list of checking off every ballpark.

Jonathan Mullins (“jonathan Mulling”) can still win money.  Let’s discuss.

My Lubbock clan isn’t doing so well, but Collin can still win money.  Collin is going to treat everyone to a nice meal of “meatlove” if he wins.   And he will get seconds.  And thirds.  Pre-teens can eat an amazing amount of food.

Speaking of eating an enormous amount of food, the fat baboon Russ Sartain can still win money, too.  Russ once asked two girls to the same fraternity party.  He actually played it off all night until the end of the night when he stayed with one and the other didn’t know where he was.  So he told grabbed me in the morning and said “I don’t have time to explain it, but if ____ calls, just tell her you went to jail last night and I bailed you out.”  So the phone rang, I answered it and said “sorry Russ disappeared last night…I got thrown in the clink and he is such a good friend and he spent most of last night bailing me out.  I can’t give him the phone right now because he is asleep because he was up all night bailing me out.  He’s just that kind of friend”

He’s just that kind of friend.

And speaking of friends, thanks to Boyd for the 9% beer he gave me.  That is the reason for the post last night that was out of character.

Money is looking good.  Everyone did a good job of putting the entry names in the memo line. I still have a small number of checks that I can’t match to players, but if you are not getting emails from me, you are good.  If Ferruzzo’s check bounces, the pot will be a little smaller, but otherwise, I think you can count on 358 x $25 for the pool.

The feedback on the Kate Keegan pic was light.  And Sean replying 20 times doesn’t count.  I’ll post it if I get more support.  We have a tradition here of posting pics of pool participants looking pretty.  It started with Anne looking like a million bucks at PLB.  If you look good and want to be officially one of Fro’s Girls, send a picture of you looking pretty.  Sean Keegan, don’t bother.  Lauren Soliz, let’s see that smile.  Teichelman, bring it.  Juanita, I got a stockpile.  Cmon, the only thing that there are more of in this pool than idiots (Buniva, we are looking directly at you) are pretty smiles (Megan Moates, we are looking at you).

Ok, Friou out.

 

Boomer Sooner…

Let me see if I can get this straight.   I was friends with Anne Munger in college.  One of many pretty girls at UT.  No doubt.  Difference was she was really sweet.   Most pretty girls were not.  So I hung out with her friends.  One friend I dated.  So she has parents, Derek and Kathy Munger.   Derek won the pool like five years ago and bought me dinner at Mark’s.  That was excessively nice.  I thought maybe when I handed him a check for like 4 grand that he would AT MOST invite me in and pour me a glass of wine.  The Marks dinner was unnecessarily nicer.   So….. I guess Kathy’s brother is Robert Dies (did I get this right??). and her very  sweet brother sent enough roses to our house that every room in our house has roses in it.   The note was clear that this was not a “thank you” to me but a thank you to my wife.   These are people who get it.   The thank you was to Jane, not to me.  They get it.  For Jane it’s a sacrifice.   She gives up me for several nights.    Thank you to Jane for letting me  do this.

Oh, and I think the Mungers are best friends with Boyd Skelton’s parents, and Boyd and I had a Ten Martini Lunch today.  Small world.  (btw, Boyd gets one free entry into the pool every year for the IT support. This benefits all of us.    And by free, to be clear, it comes out of Elise Friou’s pocket, not the prize pool.)

I just wrote a long diatribe about A&M losing to OU that was mean spirited because I had the double anger that A&M cost me in the pool.   An hour or so has passed and now I am feeling sympathetic.   So…..I deleted it.    That was not nice.  But just know…. I know.  Seriously.  It hurts.   I was actually rooting for you.  There’s nothing I can say except you guys….still have Meredith Liner on your side????

McManus is in first but he has MSU and the Fighting Izzos.  Second place is Dewitt and Bratten.

I first met Dewitt when he left his sunglasses at a poker tournament (that John Greene and I threw) and had to meet me at the Hyatt to get his sunglasses back.  A few years later….and I don’t remember the exact circumstances but he drove me home and we had a long conversation.  To be honest, I think I had two options of expensive cab home or or some guy that was sober and offered to drive me home.   It was at an inflection point of my life when I was starting to give up on the narrative of “I have a special needs child because this is God’s plan for me” and starting to feel comfortable with saying “This is really hard, and I don’t totally know if I can do this”.  And Ryan was this weird guy that just asked me some questions that were really well timed and really well phrased and I really appreciated.   And I just had this big moment when I realized that he just was a friend that wasn’t being weird or nosy but just really was interested and cared. If none of this makes sense, have a kid with special needs and field strange questions from people with zero social skills and the ask me why it is nice to have a nice conversation on this topic from a caring person.

So, I am not in a place of wanting to make fun of DeWitt.  I think he is swell, and that is an understatement.

How PG does this have to be? When I say that I have NC-17 ( to be honest I don’t know what what the new categories mean…like at all) pics with Kate Keegan….can I post them?   So she is in the picture and it is the other person that is a bit exposed.   In the 80s, this picture would have been PG but rules have changed.

Well F Duke and F Canonico.  Did Duke really do anything this year to deserve more comment?  They were not Duke’s standard.  Duke sucked this year.  So did Chris.

 

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t…

Todd Moser corrected me….Iowa, N Iowa and ISU each beat a team ranked #1 at the time (not beat a team that got a 1 seed).

I got up the scenario report up.  A few notes on how to read it:

  • There are 32,768 (that is 2 to the power of 15) ways this tournament can play out. We call each one a “scenario”.
  • Find your name. The most important column is the one that titled “Best Place Finish”. If this is between 1 to 6 (inclusive), you can still place in the pool and win money.
  • A “t” means that you would tie for that spot and then the tiebreakers apply.
  • The last column (“Root For”) tells you what you need to happen to achieve your Best Place Finish. The first team is who you want to win it all. The first two teams are the ones you want in the finals. The first four teams are who you want in the Final Four. All eight teams are the ones you want to win their next game.
  • If you can win under more than one scenario, it lists just one such scenario and then says “+__ others”. So if it says “+82 others” then you have 83 chances at winning.
  • Not all scenarios are equally likely of course, so if you win under 83 scenarios, your odds are not equal to 83 divided by 32,768. If you have a quality basketball program like UNC then you are much better off than needing, say, Indiana to win.
  • The number of scenarios is the number that gets you to your best place finish. If your best place finish is 1 and you have 83 scenarios, that is 83 scenarios that get you to 1st place. There could be other scenarios that get you to 2nd, 3rd, etc in which case you still win money.

And a reminder on the payouts:

  • First place – 40% of the pot
  • Second place – 25% of the pot
  • Third place – 15% of the pot
  • Fourth place – 10% of the pot
  • Fifth place – 6% of the pot
  • Sixth place – 4% of the pot
  • Last place – $25
  • Winner of quotation contest – $40
  • There is a $19 deduction for software costs and a couple entries will be DQd if, for instance, their check bounces

I spotted a duplicate entry so we are down from 361 to 360 players

Some observations:

  • There are 205 out of 360 players can still place 6th or better and win money
  • 101 players can still place in 1st. The lowest person in the current standings who can is Bret Liner currently in 319th.  Bret once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
  • An additional 36 players can still place as well as 2nd. The lowest person in the current standings who can is Laura Gee, currently in 343rd place.
  • An additional 15 players can still place as well as 3rd. The lowest person in the current standings who can is Jeff Planck, currently in 303rd place.
  • An additional 21 players can still place as well as 4th. The lowest person in the current standings who can is John Ferruzzo, currently in 303rd place.
  • An additional 15 players can still place as well as 5th. The lowest person in the current standings who can is Sean Patrick Keegan Jr, currently in 284th place.
  • An additional 17 players can still place as well as 6th. The lowest person in the current standings who can is Bert Greene currently in 343rd place.
  • That’s 205 by my math.
  • Last place is clinched.  It’s a tie between Connelly Keegan and Hallie Gee.  Congrats, losers.

Also note:

  • All Frious in the pool can still win money except Jim and Elise (poor thing)
  • All 360 of you can still win the quotation contest.
  • The highest current standing of a player without a chance to win money (i.e., Best Place Finish of 7) is Robert Perry, currently in 28th place.

 

Hullaballo Canick Cancik…

I don’t know what to say.  It was 44 seconds and a 12 point lead.   Somebody can check me on this but I don’t recall a comeback that big with that little time left ever.  F’n Aggies.  And I am happy they won and got me some points but then they are all singing on TV “saw varsity’s horns off” and then I just kinda hate them.    It’s complicated.

Todd Moser was on the losing end of a noose after the 2OT.  Sucks to lose like that.  Cry me a river.   Watch Colt McCoy get injured in the first quarter of the national championship game and them tell me that this one hurt.

And like most people I switched over to the Wisconsin/Xavier game at the beginning of the 2OT.   And if you’re tied and can win the game by taking a shot from anywhere, then why not just jack it up from 3 point land?  And win the game.   Wow.

Jim McManus is still winning.  Jeff Needham is still of questionable leanings.   And Oregon will play their game while I am asleep.  Tomorrow is the monster post with all the scenarios run.   Lots of information tomorrow mid day.  And I think we have some funny Kate Keegan pictures to come.  They involve bumper stickers used as clothing.

But Jim McManus is King.  All hail the king.

(but if you have been paying attention, Mary Kemp is in a very good spot right now)

If you like pina coladas…

OMFG.  Best game of the tournament.  SFA looked so good but Notre Dame got that tip in at the end.  Wow.  I haven’t been this excited since Kate Keegan sent me those pictures on Valentines Day.

Ryan Dewitt had WVU to win that game but they didn’t even play in it, so Jim McManus is no all alone in first place.   Ryan is a member of the very exclusive LCC.   Not me.  I have been kicked out of LCC twice (true stories) and then they blackballed me when they found out that in highschool we’d jump the fence and play the course at night with those bright yellow balls.

Speaking of bright yellow balls, Canonico emailed me that he thinks Jane is so hot that she makes Allie LaForce look like Sean Keegan.  I am inclined to agree.

Walkup made 26 of the last 27 free throws  of his career.  That is absolutely sick.  Sicker than Jane after having a girls night out in Dallas.  Like really sick.

I have received several interesting gratuities.  HEB Buddy Bucks from Huge, baseball card from Michael (the dumbest of the 4 brothers) Keegan, a funnel cake coupon from Wheeler.  And lots of beer money.  In fact, I am currently nursing an IPA the Mungers bought me.

 

A history lesson or two:

It was 2,016 years ago that Sean Keegan rode into the great city on the back of a donkey.   The people waved palm branches at him declared him King of the Naughty Dawgs.  The Pharisees told Sean to silence the people, but Sean said that if he did, then surely the stones would cry out that he is the king.

Come tomorrow, it will be 25 years since a bunch of teenagers somehow managed to rent the entire ice skating rink at the Galleria and drink beer while playing hockey wearing tennis shoes and using brooms.  We did so much damage to the Galleria that Aaron Cusick got fired from his job.  That was cray cray.

the best indeed

the best indeed

I was trying to think of how many people that played broom ball that night are in this pool.  I came up with me, Ferruzzo, Shannon, Rodney Martin, Glazer, Sean Keegan, and Beau Ryan for sure.  Who did I leave out?  KT? Planck?  Beavis??

Chris McConn the Surly Leprechaun and Darby “Grin and” Barrett both attended Notre Dame and were on the edges of their seats until the very end.    Rowdy Rodney Martin who went to SFA is terribly upset right now.  I actually feel sorry for him and will cut him some slack today.  Rodney, go get a beer at Twin Peaks and send me the receipt and I’ll pay for it.  Sorry, man, that was a brutal loss.

Melinda “Sixty Minutes of Mel” Friou was leading all Frious, but that ND win put Elliot in front of the rest of the clan.  Go Elliot!

 

She’s my freak y’all, but she’s no skeeza. One thing for sure, tha girl’s always got that cheeba…

Nova won in a blowout.  Only 27 people picked Iowa, so that wasn’t such a big deal.  One of those 27 was Todd Moser who pointed out that Iowa, Iowa State and Northern Iowa all beat  a 1 seed this season.  That and $2 will get Iowa a venti at Starbucks.

Had a great time at dinner last night with the Glazers and Nicholsons.  Barclay made up some story about how he met Steve Wynn and Glazer re-told the story about how Frederking earned the nickname “Juice.”  I have celebrated quite a few bdays with Glaze.  Four high school Spring Breaks in Galveston, a couple when we were roommates, my 40th and my 43rd all come to mind.  Those high school spring breaks were a lot of fun.  Ferruzzo had a heart attack, Shannon braided his hair, Ton Loc was playing on the jambox, and EBT was formed.  Good times.

haven't aged a bit

haven’t aged a bit

What time is the UT-A&M game today?  I have been looking all over the internet and I can’t find it anywhere.

One of the more interesting games today is SFA v Notre Dame.  They are pretty evenly matched.  Rodney Martin, SFA alumnus, picked the Lumberjacks so he could make a big jump in the pool.  Rodney is a teach that doles out grades for a living, and I have to give him an “A” for his bracket so far.  I’d give myself a “D”.  Speaking of Ds, Meredith Liner has A&M to win it all so she could make a move from 185th to 1st if that happens.  In fact, more of you still have a chance than you’d guess.  Be sure to check in here Monday when I run the report that shows who is and who is not mathematically eliminated.

Another intesting one is MTSU vs Syracuse.  Zero people picked MTSU and only 6 picked Cuse!!!  I’ll be rooting for MTSU.

We do things differently

Daddy missed the night action, but it seems to have been pretty uneventful.   Only the Gonzaga win was surprising, but 79 people picked that so it wasn’t all that surprising.  Jim and Ryan are still in first.   Right behind them is the pretty kitty, Kate Keegan.  Right behind her is the darling Reese Liner and the highly unattractive Kyle Liner.

Standings are updated.  More later.  Friou out.